Moving right along with our special lest it drag on forever (insert the usual in-flight movie joke here!), our four fanboys were guided by Beans to her dorm room. However they only made it as far as the front lounge of the dorm building before they realized two members of their group were missing.
"Where did Chaos go?" Makoto asked.
"Better worry about where Havoc disappeared to," Mayhem countered. "You'd be safer on the grounds of the Combustible Campus Guardress."
"I found Havoc," Pesti-chan said, turning away from the front doors. "A word of warning, though: don't go outside."
"Why not?" Haruka asked suspiciously.
"He's making anatomically correct snowmen outside."
[Sweatdrops and facevaults for everybody!]
"So that just leaves the question as to where Chaos went," Haruka said.
Mayhem glanced over to Pesti-chan. "You don't think he'd be stupid enough to...?"
Pesti-chan nodded. "Oh, Chaos is stupid enough to try that." He turned to Beans. "Beans, you had better check your dorm room and fast."
Suddenly there was a loud triumphal shout.
"I have the lake god!" Chaos cackled racing down the halls with the fish tank over his head. "Ha ha! I have Beans' mascot! It's all mine, I tell you! MINE!! Pesti-chan, get the remote control of the gods ready!"
And he almost made it too aside from the pesky little matter that Sailors Neptune, Uranus and Jupiter appeared to block his grand exit from the building.
"If you remove the lake god from this area, it will try to destroy this place," Neptune stated. "We cannot allow you to go any further."
"Well, we're going to fight to death!" Chaos exclaimed, suddenly appearing atop a rocky coast as waves of inspiration splashed up behind him. "Right, Mayhem?"
He glanced back to see a little newt tiptoeing to a safer hiding place.
"Chaos," Uranus said. "Put the lake god down."
"Over my dead body," Chaos retorted, sticking out his tongue. Cue the sweatdrop as Uranus's Space Sword pokes him in the nose. "Um, perhaps I should rephrase that."
Sailors Uranus and Jupiter took a step forward.
"I didn't want to have to do this," Chaos said. "But you forced me to. Summon: smiting of the falling cows!"
Nothing happened. There was only sound of the wind blowing.
Behind Chaos appeared the scrolling kana that read "oops!"
"Your smiting appears to be invalid in another person's fanfics," Mayhem remarked, clean and refreshed in emerging from the nearest shower.
Chaos took this chance to race past everyone with the lake god, leaping to freedom outside. "MWAH HAH HA HAH!!! I have the lake god!"
He paused as he passed a legion of snowmen, and his eyes overtook the rest of his face. "Wow. They really are--"
"Chaos!" Uranus shouted, appearing right in front of him. She raised her hand. "World Shaking!"
She smashed her attack into the ground, where the ringed orb charged towards Chaos. He leapsed aside as it smited dozens of hapless, anatomically correct snowmen.
"Well, I'll be!" Chaos remarked, watching to go. "It actually does sound like Waldo Shaking after all!"
Beans, Jupiter and Neptune started backing away from the front doors as the attack moved towards them. Mayhem and Pesti-chan laughed nervously.
Mayhem: "Great attack, ne?"
Pesti: "Really great...um, it's heading this way."
Mayhem: "Run for your lives! Women and fanboys first!"
Everyone scattered like rice at a wedding as the World Shaking attack tore towards the front of the dorm building. But unfortunately Pesti-chan slipped on a patch of ice.
"No, Haruka!" Mayhem exclaimed. "Don't shoot at...!"
Pesti-chan began to glow as he was struck with the attack.
Mayhem rolled his eyes, and placed an army helmet on his head. "Never mind."
Pesti-chan grinned as his transformation began. "I may not be very strong or know how to fight, but I do have one little trick I know. When I get hit by magic, I become a little... dangerous."
Seconds later he turned into the big, hairy Zoantropy creature of Bakuretsu Hunter fame. He scooped up Mako-chan and began to stomp through the college grounds.
"Let me go!" Jupiter exclaimed, trying to pound her way out.
Mayhem sighed. "You know, the faculty might not want us back here after this. Okay, Chaos, you know the drill."
"Do I have to?!" a SD Chaos whined.
Mayhem produced the whip. "It's your fault he's like this. And remember, he has to call you 'the Queen'."
Lord Chaos sighed, taking out his transformation stick and snatching the whip from Mayhem. "I could have been a cool Shinma destroyer like Larva, but no! I had to become Sailor Haley!"
"We really have to stop that creature," Neptune said, ready to follow after Chaos.
"Don't bother," Mayhem countered. "Chaos can handle this by himself--er, herself--er, whatever."
"Are you sure he doesn't need our help?" Uranus asked.
Mayhem nodded. "This happens more often than you think. Just sit back and enjoy the spectacle. Chaos doesn't switch genders for anybody."
"I HEARD THAT, NEWT-BOY!!!"

* * *

Well to make a long Fanboy! special short--
"Too late!"
"Hush, Newt-boy!"
--Pesti-chan was inevitably beaten down to size, Makoto was rescued, and dorm life returned to normal. Weeeeell, as normal as normal could get with the fanboys still running around in Beans' College Life fanfic.
The entire group was now in Beans' dorm room, the Sailor Senshi having reverted out from their fukus, and the fanboys having clamed down for the time being (Ah, the wonders of Ridilin!).
"I trust he's not going to try and steal the lake god again," Michiru said, glancing over at Chaos. Chaos was sulking on Alex's bed, arms crossed over his chest with a terrified octopus still clinging to the back of his head.
Mayhem nodded. "More or less. He won't be living down the 'Call Me The Queen' humiliation anytime soon, so it's safe to say that for the remainder of this adventure he's going nowhere near that lake god's tank."
"We go through this big spectacle to kidnap Beans' lake god," Chaos sighed. "And all I have to show for it is this FREAKIN' OCTOPUS STUCK TO THE BACK OF MY HEAD!!!!!"
The aquarium burbled in his general direction as if to laugh. "Oh hush!" Chaos pouted, sticking out his tongue at the tank.
Michiru chuckled at his plight.
"Well I for one can't really say I'm sorry for you," Haruka said, unable to suppress her grin.
His lordship Chaos remained unimpressed.
Pesti-chan looked sheepishly at Makoto. "Mako-chan...um, sorry for turning into a big hairy monster and trying to run off with you."
Makoto wasn't sure how to take his apology.
And then he leaned forward to kiss her on the cheek. A stunned Makoto blushed slightly while Pesti-chan went all Bambi-eyed and turned three shades of bright pink.
"HOW DARE YOU KISS MY GIRLFRIEND!!" an oversized Chaos exclaimed, steam venting from his ears. He pulled out his pan dimensional mallet and staring chasing his underlord-in-training around the room.
"She's not your girlfriend, Chaos!"
"You stole a kiss from her! Die!"
"At least I didn't cop a couple of feels from her!"
"I need some Aspirin," Beans groaned.
Haruka pulled out her sword. "I could personally see to it that no one would ever hear from them again."
"Tempting, Haruka," Michiru said. "Very tempting."
"I have you now!" Chaos exclaimed, raising the mallet over his head to smite Pesti-chan. However that fell a little short when Rampage ate the mallet and then latched into Chaos' arm for desert.
"CHU CHU!"
And with that Rampage leaped back into the arms of Michiru.
"Hey, guys," Mayhem remarked. "Have any of you seen Havoc around lately?"
"Which one's he?" Michiru asked, giving a delighted Rampage another tummy rub.
"The guy with the long braid and the Doji obsession," Pesti-chan gasped.
"The panty thief," Mayhem added.
Sweatdrops appeared next to everyone's foreheads, followed by a series of facevaults.
"Found him," Chaos said, looking out the window of Beans' room.
"What's he doing this time?" Beans asked warily.
Mayhem glanced out the window. "It's better you not know. Ignorance is bliss."
Pesti-chan joined the other two fanboys, a sweatdrop suddenly appearing next to his head. "In this case, heavenly bliss. The student body president's going to be hearing a lot about this stunt!"
The ladies all sighed.
"What about Makoto's flight?" Beans asked. "With all the insanity you guys brought, I'm sure she missed her plane to Tokyo."
Mayhem shook his head. "Nah. In the aftermath of Pesti-chan's Zoantropy incident I contacted the BEAST supercomputer in our dimension and managed to book her on another flight. That one leaves in about four hours from now, so not much time was lost. And it's first class too all the way!"
"Arigato gozaimasu," Makoto said, bowing slightly to the fanboys.
"Impressive," Michiru remarked.
Mayhem flashed her the V-sign. "Hey, it's the least we could do! Not that Chaos here helped us any."
"Hey! What are you blaming me for?"
"If it wasn't for you stupid lake god obsession, this whole mess wouldn't have happened in the first place!"
"Well who let Havoc touch the remote control of the gods, Mayhem?"
"It wasn't me!"
As the two fanboys went into SD mode and disappeared in a thick cloud of dust with little fists and faces popping up every now and then, Haruka walked up and promptly booted them out the window.
"Idiots."
Pesti-chan shook his head. "So, everything's been settled between our two parties. What else is left?"
Suddenly Havoc appeared, dressed in a tuxedo, and holding a rose in his mouth. "There's only one thing we can do: cue the New Wave Heroines tango music!"
He grabbed onto Michiru and became to tango into the dorm hallway. Seconds later the music came on, causing everyone in the dorm to stick their heads out from their rooms in bewilderment.
"Havoc, you do not have time to tango!" Pesti-chan exclaimed.
Abruptly the music came to a halt.
"I should have never left that Sailor Moon Musical Fantasy CD out in the open," Beans sighed, putting the disc back into its jewel case.
Michiru glanced down at Havoc, who was sighing happily with his head nestled in between her breasts. "Would you care to do the honors, Haruka?" she inquired.
With a dark smile Haruka nodded and cracked her knuckles. "My pleasure."
Everyone on the dorm floor winced as Havoc became the first fanboy pretzel in history, followed by another swift punt across the campus grounds. The next day there were numerous reports of an unidentified, flying pervert sighed across the continent.
Haruka dusted off her hands. "I swear the next time I'll use my sword on him."
"Sorry," Pesti-chan replied. "Havoc' pretty much indestructible. If he can survive the wrath of Wonderland's Red Queen, then he can survive anything."
Beans shook her head. "You know, Pesti, you seem to be the most sane one of them all."
Pesti-chan shrugged. "I haven't been as warped by Anime as everyone else has. I have yet to see the F3 trilogy."
Seconds later Chaos & Mayhem came crashing down from the ceiling. Out from Chaos' pocket dropped the remote control of the gods.
Curious, Michiru picked it up and handed it over to Haruka. "This appears to be the root of all our evil, love."
"So this is what caused the whole mess?" Haruka said, tossing the remote control into the air. "I wonder what happens if we change channels?"
"Nooooo!" Chaos exclaimed. "You'll switch us fanboys to another realm and that'll put an end to our Fanboys Special!"
[CLICK!]
Beans, Makoto and Michiru glanced around the suddenly deserted dorm hallway. All the fanboys had disappeared with the touch of a single button.
Haruka grinned. "I should have tried that sooner."

[Cue the end credits!]
**Tee hee. Well, I'd just like to thank Beans for all her support of my Fanboys series, and for being such a good sport despite all the trouble I give her with his fanboyship Chaos. And for those of you who are now vengeful of what I've done to her College Life series, I'll be expecting your flames soon. And then you can expect to be smited by a falling cow within a week of sending me your flames.
MWAH HA HA HAH HA!!!!!!!!!!!
Ahem.
His lordship Chaos would like to extend personal thanks to fellow lords Mayhem, Havoc & Pesti-chan for their continual support of the Fanboys! series. I'd also like to thank Beans again for being such a good sport, and the Megane 6.7 gang for providing me with more than enough demented ideas.
Chaos: "Hey! Speaking of the 6.7 crew, would this be the best time to hammer Oscar and his lemonfics?"
Mayhem: "Although I don't know why anyone in their right mind would, this would be the best place. Who would be reading all of these end credits?"
Havoc: "Ooohh. Read Oscar's work? This is tempting fate even for me."
Chaos: "Now that's frightening coming from Havoc."
Pesti: "That's it! I'm going back to the college to spend time with Mako-chan. Knock yourselves out."
Mayhem: "With Oscar it just might come to that to make the hurting stop."
[Fanboy's Note: this Curse of the Fanboys! special has been brought you by the letter C for Chaos...what? You were expecting a cookie?]

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