Get into the holiday spirits...namely the Sake!!


           [Cue Chaos wearing a Santa hat!]

Chaos: ^-^v "Wai! It's another season of winter merriment, where romance and enchantment blossom like sakura trees out of control, and the snow gently falls outside the windows of our apartment!"

Pesti: "Um...Chaos, that's not snow. That's part of the Cream Lemon fallout from last week, remember?"

Chaos: o.O; "ACK!!"

Pesti: "Perhaps I should have mentioned that before he tried to catch all those 'snowflakes' on his tongue."

Dark Mayhem: "Nah, this is more fun."

Chaos: [brushing his teeth] "Ack! There's still an aftertaste! Where's the vinegar?!"

Pesti: [eyeball roll!] "Yare yare. Say, where is the uberperv anyways?"

Demolition: "Oh, as far I'm aware he's still being chased by my onii-san."

Pesti: "What happened?"

Dark Mayhem: "Carnage tempted fate and asked Havoc what he wanted for Christmas. Let's just say that Carnage went far beyond trying to wash Havoc's mouth out with soap." Havoc: ^-^ [bounding across the intro segment!] "Wohoohooooo!"

Carnage: [chasing after Havoc with a Zanba sword!] "When I catch you, you perverted freak, I'm going to rip your face off, sew it into a wallet and stick it in my back pocket just so I can sit on it!"

Pesti: [sweatdrop!] "With us, it seems to be not so much a season of peace as it is a season of pieces left behind in our wake."

Chaos: "But Christmas still has its good points. Like egg nog!"

Riot: ^-^ [holding up a mug] "Ah, most honourable egg nog-fu!"

Pesti: "Riot, that's the eighth cup you've had. Don't you think you've had enough? Here, I'll take that cup from you. Give it to Pesti-chan."

           [Riot draws his katana blade!]

Riot: "Beware! Your bones are about to be disconnected!"

Pesti: ^^;; "Okaaaay. Mental note: never get in the way of a samurai and his nog."

Hysteria: ^-^ [boing boing boing!] "Oooooh, nog-chan nog-chan nog- chan nog-chan!"

Chaos: "So, we're in for another Christmasfic, ne? I must say that after last Christmasfic's fiasco, nothing could possibly make this one any worse."

Dark Mayhem: "Say, Chaos, isn't that mistletoe above your head?"

Chaos: o.O;;

Hotaru ^-^ [glomp!] "Gotcha!"

Ruckus: ^-^ [glomp!] "Wanna see what I've got wrapped up in my stocking, Chaos-cutie?"

Hotaru: "Hey, no fair! I glomped him first."

Ruckus: "But this is the season of giving. Can we timeshare him for the night or something? I'll just keep trying to steal him away for ecchi bedroom scenes all night long otherwise."

Hotaru: [pondering] "Hmmmmm...."

Chaos: [sweatdrop!] "Hotaru-chan, you're not seriously considering his deal, are you?!"

Hotaru: "Well, at least then I know we can have some quality time together without interruption. And I really do want to show you this Santa-styled bikini I found in Haruka-poppa and Michiru- momma's *ahem* 'fun' closet."

           [Cue Haruka storming on the scene!]

Haruka: "WHAT?!"

Michiru: "So that's where it went. Now how are we going to play 'naughty elf & Miss Claus while Santa's away', love?"

Haruka: "Michiru, not so loud!"

Pesti: [snicker!] "You, Haruka, an elf?"

Haruka: "You want me to kick all six of your butts into the new year?"

Pesti: [shrinking away] "I'll just be cowering in my bedroom all night if anyone needs me."

Chaos: --;; "The author is so getting coal in his stocking from me this year."


           [Cue the Christmasfic sequel!]





His lordship Chaos presents


CHRISTMASFIC 2!!!



Part I: Hecto Fansubs Roasting On An Open Fire




           Oh, the weather outside was frightful.
           But the fires inside are so delightful.
           Unfortunately, this being the Fanboys crew we're talking about, the fires in question were coming from the kitchen as Carnage let loose with another Flaming Odango Barrage to smite the non-compliant fruitcake he'd been trying to kill. Once again the ceiling had holes punched through it as smoking dumpling projectiles smashed into the kitchen counter and blew out half the cupboard doors.
           "I don't understand," Chaos mused, watching as Carnage bent yet another beam sabre in trying to hack away at the carnivorous fruitcake's impenetrable crust/skin. "I was baking a recipe for chocolate chip cookies at the time. No fruitcake was ever mentioned in the list of ingredients."
           Dark Mayhem couldn't help but give an amused grin as he watched Carnage finally subdue the killer fruitcake by letting the hordes of croissants Chaos had previously baked (and mutated) earlier pounce on the fruitcake & messily devour it. "You know, Chaos, this reminds me of that Lovecraft Hina crossover you tried last weekend."
           "Hey, having a giant Tama-chan as Cthulhu was a stroke of brilliance," Chaos huffed, sulking at the memory. "I don't see why he had to go and eat me like that. Keitaro made for a good Randolph Carter too. Of course, Desolation just had to take one step on the beach and cause R'lyeh to sink. Maybe I should have gone with Nyarlhotama, after all."
           "Well, at least it was a step up from the last two fics you created," Pesti-chan sighed as he worked at rearranging the living room furniture to allow for more floor space.
           "And just what was so bad about 'Sailor Venus Wars' and 'Midnight Eye of Foggler'?" Chaos asked, somewhat suspicious and rather indignant.
           Pesti-chan just rolled his eyes, fluffing out one of the couch cushions. "If I told you the reasons why, this fic would be another ten pages longer than normal."
           "Less talk, more prep work," Demolition said as be bustled past Chaos and Dark Mayhem, festive Yuletide garland and danglings draped over his arms. "The Senshi are going to be here in an hour, and we've not even half ready."
           After last Christmas' fiasco, involving an epic cameo count of near ridiculous proportions, not to mention Havoc's hentai aura possessing virtually the entire cast and perverting their personalities & attacks, it was decided that a quieter, safer way to spend Christmas would be to have the Fanboys host it at their apartment. With just a gathering of Sailor Senshi involved, the idea was that things wouldn't get out of control.
           Too much.
           At the very least, if any property damage was incurred this time around, it would be the fanboys footing the bill since it was their apartment.
           "How's the karaoke machine hook-up coming along, Riot?" Carnage called out from the kitchen, busy working on some fresh sashimi for the dinner meal.

Riot: [sitting behind the karaoke machine] "Let's see...the most honourable green cord goes into the most honourable top left input jack, and the most honourable blue cord goes into the most honourable middle input jack. And I'm still left with a stupid white cord?! Most dishonourable indeed!"

Carnage: [sweatdrop!] "Don't slice the machine apart, Riot, it's a rental!"

Demolition: "Didn't you just steal the speakers and wiring from Basara's Macross 7 Valkyrie, the one that has only music electronics and no weapons?"

Carnage: "Point. Hack away at the machine if you want, Riot!"

           "Not bad," Chaos remarked as he surveyed the transformed living room. "Perhaps we should have the living room looking like this more often."
           Two of the three couches had been placed elsewhere in the apartment, allowing for the inclusion of a DDR machine and a karaoke machine next to the big-screen television set. A number of smaller single guest chairs were scattered near the walls, and sitting cushions had been placed all over the floor. The dining room table was also starting to showcase a stockpile of every otaku's delight: Japanese & Chinese cuisine dishes, dim sum trays, bowls of pocky, chocolates and other fun things, and two dozen cans of Pocari Sweat.
           "I'm just impressed we were able to fit everything in here without needing to make use of pan-dimensions," Pesti-chan said.
           "Oh, we just lobbed all the extra couches and furniture we didn't need into Chaos' wall scroll," Dark Mayhem replied nonchalantly.
           Chaos nodded. "Yep, and a very good plan it was to toss all the couches into my--WHAT?!"
           Suddenly, a small hamster wearing a kawaii pink, frilly apron came dashing down the hallway, waving a pair of panties over her head. "Emergency, dechu! Emergency, dechu!" she squeaked frantically, way beyond panic as she waved the panties for all in the living room to see. "Ebichu accidentally washed the 'manko' part of these panties out, dechu! There's a big hole in them now, dechu!"
           Dead silence (not to be confused with the I'm-Not-Quite-Dead-Yet silence that sometimes pervades sappy melodramas, or those horrified pauses when otaku are 5 minutes into a mindless hentai like Blackmail) reigned in the Fanboys' apartment, all of the avatars staring down at the diminutive but very loud little hamster.
           Pesti-chan's eyebrow twitched as he appraised the rodent on the floor in front of them. "Do I even want to know what 'manko' means?"
           "Ah, that is the most honourable Japanese slang for a part of the most honourable female anatomy," Riot replied, popping up from behind the karaoke machine's wiring. "Most notably, the--"
           "I didn't say I actually *wanted* to know, Riot!" Pesti-chan exclaimed, cutting the samurai off. "I was traumatized enough already thanks to 'kai awase', and I don't need you helping deepen my psychosis!" He abruptly paused. "And just how do you know what 'manko' means anyways?"
           A sly, ecchi grin crept its way across Riot's face. "A true samurai has his most honourable ways of finding out such things."
           All Pesti-chan could do in response was groan and shake his head as he watched Ebichu get clobbered by Chaos. One large "SPLAT!!" and obligatory bloodstain on the wall later, Chaos was still scowling about Ebichu's little panty fiasco. "And that was my favourite pair too," he sulked. "I am really starting to regret Hysteria ever taking that hairball on as our housekeeper."
           "It was either her or that gargantuan harem of Hanaukyo Maids Havoc offered to send our way," Dark Mayhem said. "And for as much as I would have enjoyed the ecchi hijinks, our pad is rather crowded already."
           "Well, the apartment certainly could use a good full-time housekeeper of some breed or another," Demolition remarked, hanging garland across the upper borders of the living room wall. "No thanks to you, I might add, oni-san."
           Carnage rolled his eyes amidst cutting tuna maki rolls. "For the last time, when Demon Lord Phibrizo--"

Chaos: "Isn't that a dish detergent?"

Dark Mayhem: "Probably, but you're detracting from the witty punchline, Chaos."

Chaos: ^^;; "Gomen!"

           "--said that you can't create a Giga Slave in a can, it was my obligation to prove him wrong," Carnage finished.
           "Yes, but did you have to shake the can so vigorously before you opened it up in his face?" Chaos said. "His eyebrows are still embedded onto the floor, and I don't think any amount of scrubbing's going to get them out for a loooong time."
           Dark Mayhem nodded as he grabbed himself some Hard Lemonade from the fridge. "True, but the look on that snarky kid-demon's face was so priceless."
           "Ruckus, are you done hanging up the mistletoe in the hallway?" Pesti-chan called out. "Ruckus? Ano...Ruckus?"
           He then became suddenly aware of a sprig of mistletoe being lowered into place right above his head. Pesti-chan's eyes bugged out, and against all common sense in getting the hell away, he grimaced and slowly looked up to the ceiling. Ruckus was sitting upside-down on the ceiling, the mistletoe hanging from a slender ribbon tied around his finger.
           "I see a cute boytoy under a mistletoe who needs kissing!" he said happily, dropping from the ceiling right on top of a screaming Pesti-chan.
           "Oy, how is everything coming along?" Sarcasm inquired, strolling out from her chamber of bishies for another raid on the apartment's resident alcohol cache. From where she sat in a bare-chested Ageha's arms, she watched 6 shrieking SD Pesti-chans race past her, Ruckus eagerly trying to grab any stragglers.
           Abruptly Ruckus paused alongside Ageha and gave his biceps a test pinch. "Ooooh, have you been working out, Ageha-chan?" Ruckus remarked with a grin and a wink.
           Ageha remained deadpan and glibly retorted, "No, I just manage to eke out a living in Sarcasm's harem based solely on my good looks, and not my physical stamina."
           Ruckus gawked at Ageha's response in total surprise. Then he turned to Sarcasm and eagerly squeaked, "Can I borrow him for a weekend or six?"
           "Fanboys," Sarcasm sighed, rolling her eyes. She readjusted the Santa tassel hat on her head, scanned the living room and located Dark Mayhem, who was busy helping set up a small non-zorchable Christmas tree by the aquarium. "Ne, Darshu cloneboy--"
           Dark Mayhem sweatdropped. "I'm a Darshu hybrid, Sarcasm!"
           "Whatever. Look, I've got Asaba and a few other bishies all ready show up dressed as Santa Claus and some reindeer whenever you guys give the call. In the meantime, I'll be in my jacuzzi."
           "Cool," Chaos said. "Say, did Mosquiton ever finish knitting those stockings like we asked?"
           Sarcasm idly nodded, more focused on clinging to Ageha as he reached into one of the cupboards and drew out a large bottle of Ozeki Sake for her to cuddle. "He's working on the last one right now. They'll be ready for the Santa Bishie procession."
           Chaos grinned. "Excellent."
           With Ageha carrying her back down the hall and into her personal harem heaven, Sarcasm waved the guys a parting V-sign. Then she disappeared into her bedroom to unwrap many many presents...namely her bishounen.
           "I'm impressed with this fic already," Demolition said. "The fangirls are actually going to have more than just a single-shot walk on cameo this time around."
           "Even Hysteria has been getting into the Christmas party spirit," Pesti-chan remarked, thumbing over at the living room. "She's let chibi-Nehelenia and Nakago out from her bedroom to enjoy the festivities. Granted, she also chained them to the halogen lamp stand."
           "So where's Tora?" Carnage asked.
           Dark Mayhem shrugged as he moved past them, balancing about half a dozen small dishes filled with various candies, chocolates and other munchables. "She wanted Tora especially to look good for our guests, so she's giving him a bath as we speak."
           Carnage frowned. "Don't all cats, even demon ones, hate getting baths?"
           As if on cue, they suddenly heard a loud yowl and lots of furious splashing, followed immediately by the sound of a very agitated Hysteria: "Tora-chan, if you do not get your kawaii little furry butt-chan off the kawaii little ceiling-chan and into the kawaii little bathtub-chan, Hysteria's going to have to kick it across Tokyo!"
           For the next half hour, the fanboys set about getting the apartment prepped for their Christmas party, being entertained by the loud sounds of Hysteria fighting to give Tora a bath, and Tora subsequently trying to eat her (though without success). It was hard for everyone not to laugh the entire time. Chaos especially was in an unusually cheerful mood, bouncing around in his neko form as he completed his assigned chores for the party.
           "What are you so genki genki monkey monkey lucky lucky about?" Dark Mayhem asked.
           "Maybe he just watched that Yatta concert video again," Pesti-chan remarked.
           Chaos smirked. "Oh, I'm just primed since I'm going to make this the best Christmas for Hotaru-chan ever."
           "You mean one that doesn't involve her chasing cute girls around, and you getting your butt kicked by practically every single character mentioned in our series?"
           "Well...that too."
           Signalling the end of Tora's bath, there was the loud whirring of a hairdryer from the bathroom, which eventually ended as Hysteria happily squeaked, "Wai! Tora-chan looks just so kawaii, ne? Ne? Ne?" The bathroom door opened, and Hysteria skipped out into the hallway. And right behind her emerged an enormous poofy, orange furball with a bow wrapped around it, floating leisurely in the air.
           "Looks like she had the dryer set to 'fluff'," Pesti-chan said.
           Chaos couldn't help but notice the giant orange ball of fur with Tora's tiger-demon face in the middle. Curiousity getting the better of neko-Chaos, he reached out and touched the Tora furball.
           The apartment was instantly lit up with a bright flash of static electricity. Once it died down, both Tora and Chaos were reduced to smoking SD caricatures twitching on the living room floor.
           "Tora-chan!" Hysteria lamented. "Can't you keep your kawaii little fur-chan clean for even two whole kawaii little minute- chans?! Back to the kawaii little bath-chan for you!"
           Ruckus disdainfully nudged the smoldering remains of Chaos smoking on the floor. "Ew, that's going to leave a mark. You're going to need a shower too if you want to impress the ladies, Chaos-cutie." He instantly pounced on Chaos. "Better yet, let me take a shower with you!"
           Came the loud resounding scream of, "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
           "Would you two cut that out?" Carnage said, sticking his head out from the kitchen. "The Senshi are going to be here in about fifteen minutes, and the last thing we need is for any of them to ask just how all the footprints on the ceiling got there."
           "You'd think they would already know, given how this is us they'd be asking about," Dark Mayhem quipped.
           Changing into something a little less charred--and booting Ruckus out from his wall scroll more times than he would have liked to count--Chaos emerged in cleaner clothes and a little neko-bell tied around his neck with a Christmas bow.
           "Hotaru-chan thought I'd look cute in it," he said, ignoring the snickers he was drawing from Dark Mayhem and Demolition. "At least now I'm looking ever the suave and sexy avatar this evening! Why, nothing but a random act of perv could stop me!"

           [Cue the random act of perv!]

Chaos: o.O;;;

           "The Hentenno has arrived!" Havoc-kun proclaimed as he landed atop Chaos' head. "Christmas may only come once a year, but the Hentenno comes-"
           "Shut up, Havoc," everyone else chorused.
           "I thought you were running that all-night XXX-mas eve party," Dark Mayhem said. "You know, waiting for Panty Claus and all that."
           Havoc-kun waved that aside. "Oh, Havoc-chan's more than capable of handling that," he replied. "We've got a list of great entertainers too, to keep the crowd busy. I managed to pull a major coup and scored getting Butt Attack Punisher Girl Gotaman into the Jello Pit Wrestling roster. It's all going to be a sweet, ecchi evening." He then darkly added, "Just so long as NinNin keeps his useless purple head out of the Venus 5 Thigh Trap this time."
           "Say, what's in the tin?" Pesti-chan asked.
           Havoc beamed as he set the large cookie tin down on the dinner table with the rest of the party food. "My little contribution to the feast," he said proudly. "Havoc's very own lesbian-flavoured cookies!"

Everyone: [sweatdrop!] "......"

Chaos: [scratching his head] "But how can you get the flavour into the cookies without making it all soggy?"

Havoc: "It's a simple matter of not overdoing the seasoning."

Chaos: [???] "There's such a thing as lesbian seasoning?"

Havoc: ^^v "Lesbians are always in season, Chaos!"

Dark Mayhem: "No wonder we keep coming across them in Anime."

           Pesti-chan took a tentative bite out of one of Havoc's cookies, and then froze in mid-chew. "Um...there's a hair in my cookie," he said, suddenly very worried.
           "Let me see that," Havoc said, snatching away the half-eaten cookie from Pesti-chan. After a quick examination of the cookie and the pubic hair sticking out from it, Havoc scowled and then dialled a number on his cellular phone. "NinNin, that's the last time I leave you in charge of quality control at the lesbian cookie factory!" he stated angrily, hanging up right afterwards.
           "What frightens me is that very few Anime babes have pubic hair, even today," Pesti-chan remarked, opting to leave the cookies alone and go rinse his mouth out with vinegar. As Pesti-chan performed a ritual cleansing, the doorbell rang. And as Carnage, answered it, who should greet him but a very perky set of bosoms.
           "Konban wa!" Pandemonium exclaimed cheerfully, turning around as she saw the front door open. However, in the process her ample cleavage walloped Carnage in the face and sent him spinning into the door of his hall closet.
           "Hey, Pan-chan!" Havoc called out, happily waving her inside.
           Pandemonium stepped into the apartment to join the festivities, arm in arm with that deliciously evil boomer, Largo. And given how she was wearing tight pants and an indomitable tight shirt which read 'Stop looking at my Gainax bounce', it was obvious Pandemonium was not on call for either the AD Police or Jyuban High's truancy offices. Pandemonium's face turned a tint of rouge as she noticed how everyone else was dressed.
           "Otoka-san!" she hissed, dragging Havoc aside. "You told me this wasn't a formal party!"
           "It's not," Havoc replied.
           Pan-chan gestured to her risqué choice of clothing. "But look at what I'm wearing compared to them! I couldn't stop myself either; I can't wear a sensible dress even if I tried! Damn your ecchi programming, otoka-san!"
           "Oh, it's okay, Pan-chan," Havoc soothed her. "No one will really notice anyways. Here, have a cookie."

Pan-chan: [munch munch!] "Mmmm, this is delicious! I think this just became my favourite flavour too. What's in it?"

Havoc: ^-^ "Funny you should ask...."

           "Looks like everyone's here, save for Anarchy," Pesti-chan said as he made a quick head count. "And Desolation too, but that's to be expected."
           "So where is the little bundle of evil, godplaying femininity anyways?" Carnage asked, swatting Hysteria's hand as she tried to steal a few of the lesbian-flavoured cookies for herself.
           "Oh, Anarchy's probably out with Tasuki for a little Christmas karaoke bar pillaging," Ruckus said as he fondled Largo's suit jacket.
           Largo slowly turned his head and stared down at Ruckus. "Do you mind?"
           "Nope," Ruckus replied with a grin.
           Largo shrugged his shoulders. "Neither do I. Just don't get any lipstick on the sleeves, and you may continue to cling to me & adore me for the god I am."
           "So how much time do we have left before the Senshi arrive?" Chaos asked.
           Dark Mayhem glanced at his wristwatch. "Maybe ten minutes, depending on how fast Haruka drives."
           Chaos grinned as he headed for the television set. "More than enough time for a quick testing of the beta for my latest PS-2 game: Xenogear Solid 2!"

           [Cue Snake in a giant mecha, tiptoeing through an enemy compound!]

Snake: "I am the tree. I am the mud. I am the wall. I am--"

Random soldier: "Hey, wait a minute! That's not a maple tree, that's a mech unit! Sound the alarm!"

Snake: --;; "--in deep crap, that's what I am."

           "He's daring to tempt fate with the PMS-2 console again?" Demolition remarked. "Damn, you must be pretty relaxed about tonight, Chaos. Find the perfect present for Hotaru for the gift exchange?"
           Chaos emphatically nodded. "Hai! It took me a few months, a few bribes, and lots of petty name-calling, but I managed to snag a very rare SMS Sailor Saturn UFO Catcher doll from an online auction." He sighed wistfully. "Who'd have thought you could get something like this off Havoc's Ebra site? But I just can't wait to see the look on Hotaru's face when she sees it. I don't think there could be any better present for her."

Dark Mayhem: "What about a rare antique lamp? She collects those, you know."

Chaos: --;; "Shut up, Newt-boy."

           Pesti-chan whistled. "Impressive. Sounds like you went all- out for this, Chaos."
           "Well, that and if I fail to live up to her expectations, there's a 3-day waiting list of people who'd want to do me serious harm for getting Hotaru disappointed or making her cry," Chaos added nervously.
           "So what does this Hotaru plushie look like anyways?" Dark Mayhem asked, sampling a few pocky sticks for himself. He then tossed a few chocolate-covered Pokerats over to Rampage and Catastrophe, who were hooting and bouncing around on the DDR dance pad (and racking up an impressive score in the process too).
           Happily replied Chaos, "I have no idea, really."
           Everyone gawked at him.
           "What?" he said. "I didn't want to risk getting the plushie all ripped up or torn or covered in SD Godzilla-thingy drool. I haven't even opened the packaging box it came in yet."
           "And...you're sure that the plushie isn't damaged?" Pesti-chan pressed. "You are absolutely certain there wasn't anything wrong with it when it was shipped here, or that I got damaged during transit?"
           Chaos blinked a few times, his fingers rapidly drumming against the top of the kitchen counter. "Um...I'll be right back."
           With that, Chaos bolted for his wall scroll, leaping into the pan-dimensional bedroom lurking inside. There was the loud sound of things being rummaged through, accompanied by a few curious objects being tossed at random out of the wall scroll. Carnage wound up catching a startled Tanuki moments before it would have landed in the punch bowl, and Pesti-chan wound up with a small horde of stunned Megane-utsubo on his face.
           Suddenly the apartment was filled with the horrified shriek of Chaos: "KYAAAAAAAAA!!!"
           "Boy, can you call these plot contrivances or what?" Demolition remarked, elbowing Pesti-chan in the ribs.
           "Yeah, great," Pesti-chan agreed. "Now could you grab a crowbar and help get these stupid Idol Project leftovers off me?"

Demolition: [unsheathing his Sword of Light!] "Gotcha. Now hold very still...."

Pesti-chan: o.O;;; "Use a demon ward, dammit! A demon ward!"

           Chaos stormed out from his wall scroll, holding at arm's length a small noticeably pink plushie. "What the hell is this?! This isn't the rare SMS Saturn UFO Catcher doll I'd ordered off Ebra!" he exclaimed. "This is a rare SuperS Yamhead UFO Catcher doll! And it's burning my hands!"
           Chaos shrieked and dropped the ChibiYam plushie onto the floor.
           "Way to go, Chaos," Dark Mayhem sighed. "Now that doll's eating a hole through the floor."
           Carnage's eyebrow twitched at the sight. "What does she have: acid for stuffing?"
           Distraught, Chaos shuffled over to karaoke machine and sat down beside it. "I don't understand it," he groaned. "I made the highest bid on that Saturn plushie, I know it. I double and triple- checked it personally. I know I won the bidding on it, and the post office assured me that it was on its way. How could this mix-up have happened?!"

His lordship Chaos: >)

           "Ah, how quickly I forget," Chaos remarked dryly. "Curse our author! So just who got my Saturn plushie anyways?"

Sean Gaffney: [opening up a package in the mail] "Cool! My very own Saturn plushie! And all I had to do was bribe a fanfiction author with a Puni Puni Poemi 2 fansub in order to get it!"

           "This is terrible," Chaos sniffled, staring at the smoking hole in the floor where the Chibiusa plushie had been. "I spent months and months planning for that present alone. The stores are all probably closed by this time in the evening, and anything worth getting for Hotaru-chan will have been already sold!"
           "Yare yare, what's my older brother all Bambi-eyed about?" Anarchy sighed as she strolled into the apartment by herself. "Did he wake up next to Akio in the backseat of the Akiocar again?"
           "What, no Tasuki?" Riot inquired.
           Anarchy shook her head, and pulled up a chair by the dining table. "We've split up. We both felt that it was best that we give each other a little bit of room in our relationship. So we're going to see other people for a while, and in a few months we'll get back together and see if we still like each other."
           "In other words, he ran out of money to buy you Sake, so you shipped him off to work and save up the cash to finance your spring binges, didn't you?" Dark Mayhem said.
           "Yeah, that too." Anarchy thumbed in Chaos' direction. "So what's bent him all out of shape? That gerbil of a housemaid started telling total strangers over the phone again about how cute Chaos looks when he sleeps in skimpy negligee?"
           Chaos sniffled as he was crushed by the oversized kana for "no sympathy!!"
           "Actually, Chaos had this great present lined up to give Hotaru tonight," Pesti-chan explained, desperately trying to pry one last megane-utsubo off his butt. "He had this rare Saturn plushie to give her, but it looks like there was a screw-up in the mail and he got sent a Yamhead plushie instead."
           Anarchy sighed, shaking her head at Chaos. "You are so helpless, Chaos. But because I'm feeling generous, this being Christmas and all, here you go."
           She snapped her fingers, and out of thin air came a large "poof!" of smoke, followed by the loud kawaii shout of, "Ya-ho! Dota-chan desu!"
           "Wai! That angel-chan has kawaii little breast-chans like Hysteria!" Hysteria giggled as she pointed at Dota.
           Demolition sweatdropped. "There's nothing '-chan' about either of yours. And just how do they defy gravity like that?!"
           "I've got a reinforced endoskeleton that acts like my very own built-in Wonderbra," Pandemonium offered.
           "Yeah, and you should see what her nipples can do!" Havoc enthusiastically added, much to her chagrin.
           Demolition facevaulted.
           Meanwhile, Dota-chan was busy providing fanservice for the readers as she chatted with Chaos. "Aw, we can't have a poor young otaku with a pure, innocent heart being stolen from like this," she said.

Dark Mayhem: ^-^ [snicker!] "Pure heart?"

Riot: ^-^ [snicker-fu!] "Chaos?"

Chaos: ^^;;; "Shut up, you two...."

           Moved by Chaos' plight, Dota-chan waved her little scepter and conjured up a brand new Sailor Saturn UFO Catcher doll, which fell right into Chaos' waiting hands. Chaos began to indulge in cute chibi-chan rivers of tears as he stared down at the Saturn plushie. "I...I don't know what to say. Arigato, Anarchy! This means so much to me! Anarchy?"
           He looked around the apartment, but Anarchy was nowhere to be found.
           "She's gone," he said with awe. "Just like an angel of mercy."
           Demolition scowled. "Oh yeah? Well your sisterly angel of mercy also made off with all of our Sake and liquor bottles while we were busy with Dota-chan!"
           Chaos's jaw hit the floor. "She stole all our booze for the night?!"
           "Even the Ice Sake icecubes we'd hidden in the freezer," Carnage woefully added.
           "I would be ruing the fact that we'll be sober for the entire evening now," Chaos said as he sat down by the TV set and the DDR machine. Then he glanced down at the Saturn plushie. "Then again, if not for that, I would still be without my gift for Hotaru. This will be the best night ever for us! "
           Unfortunately, the PMS-2 had other ideas. A quick whip-like action with its control pad, and it snagged the Hotaru plushie from Chaos' hot little hands, yanking it towards the console. Suddenly the disc drive opened up and turned into a giant set of fangs. Within seconds, the PMS-2 proceeded to messily devour the plushie.
           Needless to say, Chaos was not impressed.
           "YOU ATE MY PRESENT FOR HOTARU?!" he shrieked at the console.
           "Hoboy," Pesti-chan sighed, shaking his head. "The shit's going to hit the fansub for sure this time."
           Pandemonium just sniffed indignantly. "That's what you get for buying illegal bootleg consoles," she said.
           "No need to panic just yet," Chaos said, a maniacal look on his face as he glanced around the other avatars in the living room. "If I can reorder a Saturn plushie on Ebra by tonight, then Hotaru still has a present from me. It'll just arrive late, that's all." Chaos sat down in the swivel chair and rolled it across the living room. After a quick appraisal of the screen, with its waves of following water and moving fish, he called out to the others, "Hey, the screensaver on our PC's stuck!"
           "Chaos, you dolt, that's the fishtank," Carnage snapped.
           Chaos blinked a few times as he tried to comprehend this, and then asked, "Just how did you connect our computer to the fishtank?"
           Pesti-chan sweatdropped. "Hoboy."
           Meanwhile, Chaos had taken the computer keyboard and set in on his lap, still watching the aquarium. "Ne, I wonder what happens when I press CTRL-ALT-DEL," he said as he hit the aforementioned keys.
           The fishtank abruptly emptied itself, the water, fish and decorations all being sucked down a drain which had inexplicably opened up at the base of the tank.

Chaos: ^-^ "Cool!"

Dark Mayhem: "Too bad that was Beans' lake god you just deleted too. Is she going to be surprised when she goes back to College Life after her winter break, and finds out what you did in her absence."

Chaos: o.O;;; "Kyaaaa! Where's the 'undo' key?!"

           "Somehow I don't think what you're doing is helping you in any way," Demolition said. "And time's running out too. Ne, when should be expecting the others?"
           "Any minute! I've got to think of something!" Chaos exclaimed.
           And then the doorbell rang.
           Dark Mayhem glanced through the peephole before turning back at Chaos. "Better think fast. The Senshi just arrived."
           The look on Chaos' face was identical to the look a Puchuu gives in the headlights of an oncoming car. Suddenly he exclaimed, "Um...cue the eyecatch!"

           [Cue the eyecatch!]



Chaos: ^-^ "Saved!"

Dark Mayhem: "Not unless the Senshi show up in the omake."

Chaos: o.O; "That is so not funny, Newt-boy."





Thanks to:

R. Nguyen, who pointed out to me the existence of the Saturn & ChibiYam plushies on Ebay, which contributed quite nicely to the plot of this particular fic. Domo! ^^v

Oddly enough, the entire "lesbian-flavoured cookie" moment was based on an actual, spontaneous conversation Havoc & I had over Dim Sum one afternoon.






OMAKE THEATRE!!!


Chaos: [dashing into the omake!] "No! No omake! I need more time to find a replacement present for Hotaru!"

Pesti: "Not to mention the Angelic Layer Food Cake needs time to cool off before we ice it and set it out for everyone to eat."

Chaos: "That's beside the point, Pesti-chan."

Dark Mayhem: "So we're just going to end it here?"

Chaos: "Can't we?"

Dark Mayhem: "That makes having the omake in the first place rather pointless."

Pesti: "Aren't most of our fics rather pointless anyways?"

Dark Mayhem: "True, but I'm sure we serve some purpose, like feeding our author's Raging Ego."

Chaos: "But what can we do? If we let the omake go on like this, Hotaru might appear and then I'll have to explain why I don't have a present for her!"

Pesti: "Why not tell her the truth?"

Chaos: [rolling his eyes] "Oh, and I'm sure she'll believe that I don't have her present because of the fact that an evil gaming console ate it."

Pesti: "Stranger things in Anime have happened."

Dark Mayhem: "Well, if we're going to go for something completely peripheral to the plot, we might as well do it in style."

           [Cue Havoc-chan standing on a street corner, loitering about! Abruptly Haruka walks past her....]

Havoc-chan: ^-^ "Do you have any nekkid pictures of your girlfriend?"

Haruka: "No."

Havoc-chan: ^-^ [pulling some photos out from her DOJI GIRL sweater] "Want some?"

Haruka: "NO!! Um...what sorts of pics of Michiru do you have?"

           [Back to the fanboys....]

Chaos: o.O;; "You call that doing an omake in style?"

Pesti: [scratching his head] "I don't know what I'd call it."

Dark Mayhem: "A few choice censored remarks would be a good place to start."



           [End!]




Part 2